La Dolce Vita: November 2012

See that picture at the top of the blog. My kids all dressed up enjoying the great outdoors. I took lots of pictures that day with the intention of using one for our Christmas card and announcing that another baby would be joining our family. Very soon after that picture we go the heartbreaking news that one, I'm pregnant with conjoined twins who share a heart and two, they most likely won't survive. Before I can continue blogging I want to add the two posts I wrote on Facebook to my blog. I realize that some of my good friends aren't actually on FB and haven't had a chance to get caught up. Many of you have read this before, so you can scroll down to the fun stuff we've been up to :)
Sorry for the font issues.

September 27, 2012

Dear Friends and Family,
This is one of the toughest posts I will ever write. With tears streaming down my cheeks and a very heavy heart, Taggart and I would like to take a moment to announce that we are pregnant with conjoined twins who share one heart. It is still very early on in my pregnancy (8 weeks) and the doctors believe that we will know more at my next ultrasound and new developments may occur. At this point, we've been told that there is very little hope of survival by either of the babies. I know this comes as a shock because we really hadn't officially announced that we were pregnant yet. Please don't feel bad that you are receiving this news on Facebook. I've only spoken to very few people on the phone because I'm trying to get a handle on things. Here is what I've come up with so far. When life gives you lemons you make lemonade. Obviously, this is going to be a very hard time for our family, but we are trying to see the good that will come from it. One, these sweet babies will go to heaven where they will be made perfect. Heavenly Father is going to welcome them with open arms and watch over them for me until I am reunited with them. I truly believe that we will be together again. Two, I know that Heavenly Father loves us and is mindful of everything we are going through. This trial will only strengthen our faith. Three, this will make the bond between me, Tag, and the kids stronger than I could have ever imagined. I can already see a difference in the way I look at my children and how much they mean to me. My husband has done nothing but take care of me and support me. I love him with all my heart.

Here are just a few things we've been told. The babies are face to face and the heart is growing between them, but isn't set in either chest. It looks like part of the heart is actually growing on the outside of the babies, which ultimately will make it impossible to survive. I could miscarry, they could be stillborn, or I could carry them and have the incredible blessing of getting to meet them before they pass on. If I do deliver, they will be given medicine and will feel no pain. They won't suffer. If I carry them to 20 weeks then by state law we will need to bury them. I am hoping and praying that I at least get to carry them to 12 weeks because there is a chance that we will get to find out if they are boys or girls. Having that knowledge would mean a lot to us. I already feel so connected to my babies. I love them as much as I do my other 3 wonderful children.

The high risk specialist we are going to be seeing is incredible. However, we are going to get a second opinion. The more doctors who want to give their input the better. We realize anything can happen. They might discover a way to save them or one of them. We have a lot of waiting to do. I can already see that this will be a great test of patience.

Because our lives were just turned upside down, we felt the need to let people know so that if we seem a little sad, distant, or we aren't returning phone calls, that it's nothing personal. We are just faced with a very difficult road ahead and some days are going to be easier than others. Everyone's love and support means the world to us and does not go unnoticed.

Lily knows what is happening. We told her that the babies are sick and that they are going to go to heaven. Since one of her very good friends just lost a baby brother she understands what that means. She's such a sweetheart.

I would also like to ask that because this is such a sensitive topic for us that if you feel the need to comment please be mindful that we are making decisions that we feel are best for our family. I know that there are a lot of different opinions on abortion. Please be respectful of our decision not to abort. I really don't think it's going to be a problem, but because it's Facebook I feel like I should make it clear that this isn't an open discussion on people's views about that. We welcome any other comments you would like to make!

Thank you in advance for your love and support. I feel at peace with what is happening and know that it will all work out the way it should.

**Ignore the typos, I'm too tired to go back and edit :)

The second post I wrote on Oct 24, 2012

Well, we were hoping to get a lot of answers today. Instead we got a lot more questions. While the tech was doing the ultrasound I noticed that the fluid from the spinal cord area to the skin was very large. I'm talking about the place they measure for Down Syndrome. I asked her about it and she confirmed what I was seeing, but I knew we wouldn't get any answers until we saw the doctor. The heart looked really strange as well. At times it looked like there could be two, but more and more it looked like either two hearts stuck together or a 6, 7, 8 chamber heart. Once the doctor came in we were able to talk about all the crazy things we were seeing. He told us that there is a 64.5% chance that the babies have a chromosomal defect like, Trisomy 13, Trisomy 18 or Down Syndrome. We will do an amniocentesis at 16 weeks to find out. The doctor still thinks there is only one heart and that the babies clearly have a major heart issue. We won't have any more specifics until we see the cardiologist in 3 weeks. Anything can happen.

The tech thinks they are probably girls, but we aren't putting any money on that because it was hard to see.

I'm still throwing up multiple times a day. I've actually lost weight. I'm going to try a new medicine that will hopefully help, since nothing else seems to :)

Other than that we are doing pretty good. It's completely in God's hands. There is a high chance that these babies won't survive. We're okay with that. It doesn't mean it will be easy, but I feel like that is something I can handle. There is a chance that they could figure out a way to save these babies. Being the mother of conjoined twins won't be easy, but I can handle it. I even found a company that will make me a car seat for them if they survive :) Tag and I will be okay however this turns out. We don't really know what to hope for at this point, which is nice that it's all in Heavenly Father's hands because it takes the pressure off of us trying to figure out how we want this to all play out.

I have so many appointments coming up that will hopefully give us more insight into the situation. One thing that bugged me today was that the babies are measuring at 12 weeks (right on time), but they moved my due date back anyway and said I'm only 11 weeks and 2 days. The tech said they are just big babies. Whatever. You don't move back the due date on a pregnancy that is already REALLY long!! I guess it doesn't matter though, because they don't think I'll even come close to my due date.

Thanks everyone for all your love and support. We feel so blessed to know so many great people!

I'm trying to keep the conversations I have in front of my kids to a minimum. If you call and I don't answer it's probably because I have little ones around. We really are doing well. We are trying our hardest to move on, stay positive, and go about our daily routines. We still have three awesome kids to take care of and that is our focus right now.

Probably won't have another update for a few weeks.

Those are the two updates I have right now. I have two appointments this week and our big appointment with the cardiologists is next week. There is a specialist at Children's Hospital who has saved one baby in a situation similar to ours. We definitely plan on seeing him. Our high risk specialist is actually good friends with him and they've talked about our babies. He can't tell us if he can save one or both until we see the cardiologist. We could see him now, but he would only tell us what everyone else does, we need more time. We've had enough ultrasounds done that we are absolutely certain they are conjoined twins. Oh, they also share a liver, but that's not a big deal because a liver can easily be split.

The closer we get to 20 weeks the more I find myself wanting to make plans. If I make it another 5 or 6 weeks it will be nice to have everything all planned out (a funeral) that way I don't have to do it in the hospital. Who knows when these babies are coming.

Here are some of the fall pictures I took. I don't know if I'll get around to sending out a Christmas card, so I might as well post them.

Harrison turned 4!! His birthday was right after we found out about the babies. I had no clue how I was going to pull off a birthday party. Several friends showed up and decorated and a good friend ran the whole show. I just walked around and took pictures. I'm so grateful to know so many awesome people.

What to say about Harrison. He's just awesome. He's the most tender hearted little guy and super smart. Everything is superheros and the grinch right now. He's always pretending to be Spiderman, Batman, The Hulk, etc. He just melts my heart. He's the most cuddly of my kids. I love spending time with him. Harrison is a joy to have around!

Spiderman cupcakes